5 Reasons Why I Won't Let My Kids Believe In Santa

This year my oldest child, my son, is four years old and quite possibly this will be the first Christmas he will actually remember and retain. Christmases before this aren't much of a memory for him because he was younger and less aware. Before this I wasn't sure I wanted Santa to be a part of our Christmas only due to the fact that I felt really uncomfortable telling my children lies about a man that breaks into our house. They already have specific anxieties from our family dynamic (divorce, etc.) and I feared this would be a hard concept to deal with. After a long discussion with my significant other about what we should do, we came to a mutual and specific conclusion that Santa Clause would not come to our house this year, or any year. With the rules that we could still watch Santa movies and use Santa themed decorations because in that sense, he really is just a cartoon character. And the kids know cartoon characters aren't real. We're also going to enjoy stockings because stuffing them is fun and who says they can't be from Mom & Dad. Recently I read this article  online supporting reasons the author lets her kids believe in Santa, I feel I would like to share my own reasons why my kids will not celebrate a Christmas with the Santa figure.

5 Reasons Why I Won't Let My Kids Believe in Santa

1) The story of St. Nicholas may be true, but St. Patrick doesn't bring my kids presents on March 17th. It's a popular story and the legend varies depending on which origin you're researching. Most people agree though that St. Nicholas was a man that gave gifts to small children to cheer up poor villages. It's an adorable story but St. Patrick doesn't deliver gifts on March 17th. St. Valentine doesn't deliver gifts on February 14th. Martin Luther King Jr. doesn't deliver gifts on MLKJr day. It's just a story. I'll let my kids believe that St. Nick existed, sure, but the gifts are a bit much.

2) Because I believe that wonderment and magic should come from real life, not fantasies. My kids will have fun with exploding volcanoes and learning the science of why clouds exist and the reason we get rain. They'll learn about water disappearing into thin air through evaporation. This stuff is magical and fascinating and fun. And it's all real. Sure, I let them play make believe whenever they want, but again, these are things they know aren't real.

3) Because I believe in teaching my children good money values and that having money comes from hard work. If they see that all the gifts they get are from their parents and possibly grandparents or friends, they see that it takes hard work to buy or make something to give tangible gifts to the people they love.

4) Because Santa Claus doesn't have anything to do with Christmas. The legend of St. Nick wasn't based on a guy giving kids gifts for Christmas. It was about a guy who gave gifts to kids that were poor. That's really the simplicity of it. I don't know or care when Santa Claus was incorporated into the holiday, but he shouldn't even be part of it.

5) Because I believed in Santa growing up and I hated it. I grew up in a family that didn't make a lot of income. I always felt like Santa didn't like me as much as the other kids and what on earth did I do wrong? I was a well behaved child, I got good grades, I didn't back-talk my teacher and rarely to my parents. I did my chores and made my bed (most of the time.) So why did the kids that bullied me and called me a dork and made fun of my love of learning and reading all get new bikes and video game systems and I just got pajamas and a barbie doll. Didn't Santa see who was bad and good? The idea of him liking them more devastated me. I also was very frustrated when I realized that my parents had lied to me. I was relieved that the gifts were from my parents, but annoyed at the deceit. I love you Mom & Dad, but I'd have enjoyed those gifts as much or MORE if I'd originally known it was YOUR idea to buy me those books and dolls and that they were a product purchased out of YOUR love.

Feel free to comment and discuss your opinions.

What If I Told You...

What if I told you I had a huge stack of fears and doubts just packed into my head? You'd believe me instantly, I mean, duh. I'm human. But there's a story I want to tell and a confession I need to make that begins like this:

Nearly four months ago I made a promise to someone very important to me. Knowing that when he finishes his master's degree, my "significant other" would be moving somewhere else for a job, I told him without hesitation that I'd go anywhere with him. At the time I really meant it. And at the time, I really expected that I'd continue to believe it without a second thought. But the truth is, since then, I've had a second thought, and a third, fourth, fifth, and at this point probably two-hundred post-promise thoughts about it. Now, today, I still know I'll go anywhere with him. That has not changed, not even once. In fact, today I'm even more sure than ever that I'd never choose any other future than one with him. But I have this issue that I must now confess.

Hello Confessions Anonymous, My name is Shelby and I'm a commitment-phobe. ... Let that sink in. Yeah, it sounds a little weird, coming from someone who just virtually cemented a promise to spend eternity traipsing all over the earth with the man she loves. But think about it this way. Being a commitment-phobe doesn't make me incapable of commitment. It doesn't make me unwanting of commitment. It simply means I'm really, really scared of committing to a long term relationship with anyone. And really, you shouldn't blame me. I've been in a relationship where my spouse erased all illusion of hope by admitting he never loved me. I was dumped by a guy I cared about after I was assaulted by a co-worker because it was too "stressful" for him to know his girlfriend was "damaged goods." I've gone on singular dates with guys who just wanted to roll around horizontally and didn't like me when I wouldn't.

Why on earth shouldn't I be a commitment-phobe? Everyone I've ever committed to or thought I could commit to has walked away. Why shouldn't I be afraid to be with someone, no matter how incredible and loving he is. Now, months later, I'm still scared of everything. I'm afraid of the most committed man in my life (besides my dad) suddenly deciding I'm not worth the effort. I'm scared I'll scare him away. I'm scared I won't be enough. But I know I won't let my fear of committing to him prevent me from doing it anyway. Nothing is worth anything if you're not willing to give time and trust. Nothing deserves your faith more than the people who put theirs in you. And nothing will stop me from following my heart, because this time I'm pretty sure it's safe.

Links I Loved Today

I've been on Pinterest a lot lately. I know, it's such a time waster. But I'm not just pinning, I'm READING every single link BEFORE I pin it. And I'm focusing my search on finance related blogs. The more you read the more you know. Because I want to educate myself as opposed to perpetually procrastinating.

I want to link a few pages that I fell in love with during my "research" on Pinterest.

She Who Makes Bills Binder

1. This lady follows Dave Ramsey's plan also and she created this really cool binder that she uses for bills. I love the look and the organization that goes into it. I may use this system at some point. She Who Makes.

- She also links from her post to a website where you can get tons of printable calendars and other template forms as well as coloring pages for those of you who need a way to occupy the kiddos while you're busy with your budgeting! PrintFree.

2. Some other cool binder organization tutorials and examples can be found on Dimplicity. 

3. I also, after clicking through several links, found this really adorable mail organizer tutorial. After reading through it and being slightly disappointed that it requires sewing (my machine got displaced with the rest of all our other belongings in the last move,) I closed the link. Then I quickly formulated a way I'd be able to make it without sewing and I restored the closed tab. I'll share with you all my no sew method (note to self: don't throw away those empty cereal boxes - gotta make a fully recycled organizer!) once I get mine made but for now, you can check out this mail organizer over at Noodlehead.

4.  Oooh my gosh these are so freaking cute.
They're patient forms for pretend doctor playing for kids. I'm obsessed with this right now. How on earth could I not include this!? Miss Poppins: Doctor Pretend forms. 

5. Would totally be the link to Bevin's post about their debt pay-off progress but she won't be posting it until Monday so I'll link it then or you can just keep an eye out on Adventures Along the Fritzy Waters.

Anywaaayyy. I'm pretty sure I need to finish up an essay or some other school project right now. Yay being a mom/professional/student all at once.

I Made SOAP!

Recently a friend of mine wrote this blog post about how they recently completed Baby Step 1 of the Dave Ramsey's 7 Baby Steps to Financial Freedom. I was instantly proud of her and also a little envious. I want to be debt free. I want to stop being fearful of whether or not I'll be able to make my car payment. I don't want to HAVE a car payment. I want to spend that $400 a month on me and my kids! I want to go on vacation damnit!

So over the last 4-5 days, as long as we're both on Facebook, we probably never shut up. I've learned so much from her and from Dave Ramsey. I've listened to his show every day for the last four days. I can hardly wait until the one this afternoon. I have printed the budget worksheets from the Dave Ramsey Website and I placed them in paper protection sleeves and I've worked out my budget several times over to put myself in good place to become "Gazelle Intense" and save, save, save. It's a hard time because I'm about to move into an apartment and there's deposits and furniture to pay for. But I budgeted for it, so guess what!? We're all good. I should finish the first baby step before Christmas.

Now, along with that, Bevin has been sharing her soap recipes on her website this week. After she posted her Laundry Soap Recipe I made my way out shopping and I spent $13.75 on supplies between K-Mart, Wal-Mart, and Lowes. (Thanks Lowes for being the ONLY place out of those three that sells 5-gallon buckets with lids!) Tonight I made up some laundry soap and not only does it smell GREAT in my kitchen but I've got some soap ready to put in bottles tomorrow!

Thanks Bevin for being a great coach and Dave Ramsey for being so inspirational!

Why I'll Never Be a Stay At Home Mom Again

Don’t get me wrong when I say this, but I’m pretty sure I never want to be a stay at home mom again. I mean, I really love my children and I definitely enjoy the days I do get to spend the entire thing at home with them, but my reasons extend beyond the actual stay at home part of being a stay at home mom.

But hey, first let me name the ways being a stay at home mom kind of stinks in itself. First of all, it stinks, literally. All day long the scent of poop, pee and under arms that need another layer of deodorizer just builds. It’s repetitive. I’m pretty sure knocking down towers of blocks and then begging mommy to build them up again for you has to get old for a kid at some point. No, it doesn’t? Okay then, hand me the blue block again. Also, what is it about Dora the Explorer that is really that entertaining? Sure, I love the bilingual nature of the show and my kids really do learn from it. And yes, it’s definitely better than Spongebob Squarepants. But her voice annoys the daylights out of me after I’ve seen the same episode for the fourth time this week.
And probably not last, but this list could go on forever, why on earth do children not ever want what you fix them for lunch. Yesterday it was “Mommy, I don’t want peah buh-er and jeuwy sanishes, I want hock docks and taytos.” And todays it’s “Mommy, I don’t want hock docks and taytos, can we pwetty pwease have peah buh-er and jeuwy sanishes?”


“No you pwetty pwease may not.” And then twenty minutes later I’m cleaning up the empty plates from their baked potatoes and hot dogs and realizing their picky brains don’t generally translate into picky tastes and I wonder why I have to go through this lunch time banter every day. Every. Single. Day.
But in the end, it’s really not the experience of spending every waking moment bathed in sweat and drool and wondering when I last bathed with water was that makes me sure I’ll never become a stay at home mom again. It has nothing to do with them and everything to do with financial independence and what happened when my husband left me.

The technical term is “displaced homemaker.” It’s the definition of any woman who up until the recent time was married and didn’t work outside the home for a living. It defines the woman who is recently separated or divorced and now has to rely upon her own hard work to make a life for herself and potentially her offspring. Although I didn’t learn the term until about 9 months after my separation, it’s something that would’ve been applied to me during that time after he left.

Having spent my entire adult life up until that time being a mom to my children and not working except for once a month or so with a direct selling business I didn’t have a lot of working experience. That job with direct selling happened to be excellent for my resume and I got hired after for a data entry position at a really well known bank by a temp agency in Des Moines. What was unlucky for me was that I didn’t have any personal savings for the divorce, the moving, my own place and quite simply the “starting over.” About two months before Jon left I had actually started taking courses at a community college in Omaha. I knew our relationship was on a downward track for a little while and between trying to fix my marriage and caring for our children I really wanted to have a career. Not with the intent of any financial independence, simply the intent to live out my career goals and dreams. When he moved out he stopped watching the kids during the days I had classes and I couldn’t find childcare quickly enough so I had to drop out.

I found myself penniless with a new lump of student loan debt and the sadness of a failed marriage, a broken family, a failed semester and the realization that unless I did something relatively fast to get myself out of the hole I was about to slide into, I would have to start at square 0 (Mom & Dad’s in Northern Minnesota) as opposed to square 1 (dependent on income that was going to end in the near and uncertain future.) And I really wanted square 1.

I moved to Des Moines, with the help of a friend and my half of the tax return my husband agreed to split with me, and accepted the position with the temp agency. Square 2. I made it. I still had to deal with a divorce. I still had to find permanent child care. I still had to find success in my personal career goals and I still had to feel emotional joy again. But I could provide for my babies, barely, and I had my own place.

All this happened about a year and a half ago. Right now I’m in a pretty different place than I was then, in every way imaginable. And instead of working 40 hours a week to make ends meet I’m working even harder 30 hours a week at a lower wage to make ends meet. But I’m doing to things that make me believe I haven’t really taken a step back at all, but possibly a few forward. And I’m in school again, with really ambitious goals again. And I get 2-3 full days at home with my kids which make me think, for just a second, how much I would love to just be a stay at home mom again.

But for every second I think about it, there’s a reasonable reassuring voice inside my head that reminds me why I won’t even if I have the opportunity. As much as I know my future marriage will be better than my first, as much as I know I’ll always nurture my relationship into a long lasting one, I will never forget how scary it was to be a “displaced homemaker,” and I could never allow that to happen to me again. Not to mention, and I love you kids, but being an editor at a publishing company and a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist sounds a lot cooler than watching you knock down that tower I worked so hard to build for you.

A Leaf

Hello Blog Reader Readers Reader. I originally wrote this in June after Nick and I went on a lovely hike on High Trestle Trail here in Iowa. I'm finally posting some finished drafts and doing a bit of writing. I hope you like this one, it's called; "A Leaf."

A Leaf

By Shelby Michalek

A leaf

A leaf up there

Up there, not falling down

Attached

Attached to that branch

That branch of that tree

You

You right here

Here beside me

We

We walk along

Along this path of green

I

I love you

Love your smile

Beard

Beard upon your face

Your face, I want to kiss it

Leaf

Leaf above my head

My head will hurt if I write another verse.

Poem

Poem that I wrote

I wrote this poem for you.